The narcissistic, the Asperger's teen, and bipolar me.

Stretch is now 15, with Asperger's and bipolar like his momma. The hubs is a narcissistic man. If we aren't the trio from the world of difficult, I don't know what is. Stretch has been on this Ebay kick wanting to sell all of his stuff (mostly broken) and I keep trying to tell him that it's not that simple, but oh no, he knows better than me. When I put my foot down and tell him to stop because he doesn't understand how it works, and nobody is going to buy broken stuff, he gets mad at me like I just killed a puppy or something. Hubs doesn't know about the Ebay kick Stretch is on. There are just some things that it's better that he doesn't know.

I have learned that when dealing with hubs, I have to get the kid gloves out along with the candy coating. The best way that I've learned to deal with him is to make him think he's in control and everything is his idea. That's the best I can do for now. My therapist is helping me with ideas to help too.

My mom is another worry of mine. A couple of  weeks ago she kept getting dizzy and falling and hitting her head. Then last week she had a seizure (grand mal) because she forgot to take her meds for a few days, so her Dilantin levels were 0. This time my brother was there to see how bad she is. I've been trying to tell him for over a year and I don't know if he didn't believe me or what, but he never took me seriously. Now that he's seen her for himself, he is concerned. I don't think my mom has a whole lot of time left, and because of her health, there is no company that will insure her for life insurance. Yesterday though, I was telling my therapist about all of this and she had a genius idea. She said to get a hold of a crematorium or funeral home after speaking to my brother about it, and start making payments on cremation now, that way when she does pass it won't be such a financial burden for me since I am the eldest of her children and the next of kin. Great idea! Morbid to think about and do, but I can't get life insurance on her, so that is the only option I have.

Some articles I found helpful for dealing with a narcissist.

In my previous couple of posts, I have been talking about the hubs being a narcissist and how to deal with him, because I do love him and our family together, so for me, giving up is not an option. I am actually very surprised at the volume of articles and documents that I have waded through that have said to just leave. To me that is the cowards way out and not a solution at all, UNLESS there is abuse present in the relationship, then by all means, yes, run as fast as you can. Here are 3 sites that gave some positive coping and resolution suggestions, 2 of the sources surprised me, and I think they will surprise you too.

1. http://www.idiotsguides.com/static/quickguides/selfhelp/coping-with-a-narcissistic-partner-or-spouse.html

2. http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Narcissistic-Husband

3. http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/12/27/how-to-live-with-a-narcissist/

These were the first 3 that I found helpful. I will keep looking and researching though because just 3 sites for suggestions don't cut it for me.

Narcissistic spouse articles online.

Last night I spent a good hour or so clicking on Google links for the narcissistic spouse search and reading the articles. To be frank, a lot of them really ticked me off. Even the ones from "psychology" sites gave me no hope or guidance. Most of them said "run" or that the narcissistic spouse is "usually" physically abusive, so just cut and dry leave the relationship. This made me see red! How can someone write an article that is meant to help people deal with difficult relationships, tell them that there is no hope so just leave? How is that a solution? Breaking families apart due to something that is so workable? I'm not saying that dealing with a narcissist is easy by no means, but don't break your family apart just because you happen to be married to one. Learn ways to cope, and work on your relationship together. As I have said before though, narcissists need to be handled with kid gloves due to their huge egos.

My suggestions according to what I have learned is to make them think they are the one that came up with the idea (works wonders with my hubs). On the rare occasion that they do give you credit for something, and I know this may sound counter productive, but thank them for the credit making sure that they look better by giving you the credit. Like I said HUGE EGOS, plus they are men, so that's a double whammy.

All in all, there is still a lot of research I need to do. I will keep you guys posted with any tricks or tips I find along the way

The bipolar and the narcissist relationship.

I know I am bipolar with panic attacks and anxiety as side dishes. Wonderful I know, and I also know that I am not the only one. With my weekly therapy sessions, and the discord in my family with my bipolar/asbergers son and my what I now know to be a narcissist spouse, things are getting difficult. My therapist pointed out a while ago that she thought my hubby was a narcissist, I had heard the word, but didn't really know what that meant. She explained to me that narcissistic people are about themselves, they can love, but on their terms. Hubby never admits if I'm right on anything. My therapist basically said that I have to make everything sound like his idea, and handle him with kid gloves. It's not fair to me or my son. We all love each other as a family though, so I have to learn how to keep peace in the house without going even crazier myself.

So, the first thing I did was look it up on the online dictionary that I use, it has 4 different uses/definitions.

1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.
4. The attribute of the human psyche characterized by admiration of oneself but within normal limits.

The one that best fits my situation is number 2. If I were to try to bring this up to hubs he would deny it (therapist says this is normal). So I'm stuck with learning how to live with someone like him and teaching my son how to handle him. The latter is going to be harder because of his issues. There is a plethora of information that just a simple Google search comes up with, so there's lots of reading to do. I will keep you abreast of what I learn about my journey in learning about something I know nothing about at this point.

Wish me luck....

Long time, no see.

It has been quite a while since I've written a single word here, or anywhere else for that matter. I didn't have internet for a while, so there's one reason, and damn it, I just wasn't in the mood. Depression played a factor in it too though. It sucks, but it is what it is I suppose. Now I am out of my fog, a little bit anyway, and it's back to the keyboard I go. I have several projects that I've started, that I really need to get working on again. I am at the point to where I am going to play the "what if" game. This is a good game to play to get the creative juices flowing again.

On the bipolar front, I am doing much better. Meds are good, and I'm stabilized for the moment. After years of being unstable and confused about what was going on in my head, I finally feel better. Good. Therapy every week is helping.

I know this first post back is kind of short and sweet, but I would like to ask the blogosphere a question. Throw as many "what if" scenarios at me as you can. Share my blog, let's get things crackin'!