Narcissistic spouse articles online.

Last night I spent a good hour or so clicking on Google links for the narcissistic spouse search and reading the articles. To be frank, a lot of them really ticked me off. Even the ones from "psychology" sites gave me no hope or guidance. Most of them said "run" or that the narcissistic spouse is "usually" physically abusive, so just cut and dry leave the relationship. This made me see red! How can someone write an article that is meant to help people deal with difficult relationships, tell them that there is no hope so just leave? How is that a solution? Breaking families apart due to something that is so workable? I'm not saying that dealing with a narcissist is easy by no means, but don't break your family apart just because you happen to be married to one. Learn ways to cope, and work on your relationship together. As I have said before though, narcissists need to be handled with kid gloves due to their huge egos.

My suggestions according to what I have learned is to make them think they are the one that came up with the idea (works wonders with my hubs). On the rare occasion that they do give you credit for something, and I know this may sound counter productive, but thank them for the credit making sure that they look better by giving you the credit. Like I said HUGE EGOS, plus they are men, so that's a double whammy.

All in all, there is still a lot of research I need to do. I will keep you guys posted with any tricks or tips I find along the way

I Quit!! I don't want to play this game anymore!!!

Ok, so the past 2 days have been complete FML days for sure. It started on Thursday with another war with my cable company, All. F-ing. Day. Long. Ridiculous. Resort Cable TV is a joke. They are over priced, their customer service is rude and unaccommodating, they charge you for THEIR screw ups, and they are super quick to hit that disconnect button when you disagree with them on anything. They are the only cable company in the area, so they have the market cornered and they know it, so they take advantage of their customers because they know the customers have no other choice. THIS COMPANY IS A JOKE!!!

Then yesterday, my son and I had an appointment with our therapist (again the only one in town). Now keep in mind I am BP and agoraphobic, so it's hard for me to go anywhere for anything. We get there and it's a madhouse. Trigger #1, can't do crowds at all. We get into the counselor's office and start talking. I ask her to check my son for IED (intermittent explosive disorder), and tell her that I am ready to try a new med for my BP finally after the last one tried to kill me. First off we are focusing on my son, we are discussing his symptoms and outbursts. Then the counselor mentions DHS, instant hardcore panic attack ensues, paper bag and all. Once I was through the panic attack, she explains what she meant. She didn't mean that she wanted to call them, she meant that if it gets dangerous for my daughter then she will have to. Understandable, but not necessary. I will not leave the two of them alone, so the risk of her getting hurt is slim to none. By the end of the appointment, Doc said that she wants to review our files and carefully figure out what kind of treatment she wants to go with. She also told my son that she is giving him 2 weeks to start the treatment and try to get himself under control, and if he can't or won't she is going to admit him to the psych ward. FML not this again. He was in the hospital twice when he was little, about 5 or 6, and it was really hard for both of us. So, she wants me to come back in Tuesday without the kids to go over the treatments that she has decided on. Ugh, have to leave the house yet again.. I feel like I'm reaching my breaking point.

Last night I was telling hubby about the new diagnosis for Stretch, and everything that happened at the Dr office. *NOTE* Hubby is mentally healthy, he is one of the "normals". So I'm telling him how we need to start educating ourselves on IED since it is new to us, and we get into a fight. He starts spouting the "you can control it if you choose to" bullsnit. Saying that you choose weather you want to control it or not. OMG I flipped out. All I was saying was that we need to educate ourselves and learn how to better deal with his outbursts. I wasn't trying to make excuses, I wasn't saying that he gets a pass on every negative behavior, all I was trying to say was that we need to learn how to deal with the outbursts he has due to his illness differently because obviously what we have been doing IS NOT WORKING!!! Then, I get frustrated because I'm apparently not explaining myself right to where he understands, and I put my hands to my face and growl, hubby then says "see, that's where he gets it from".. Flip out number 2... I started screaming at him. "You don't understand!!! You will never understand because you got lucky and you don't struggle with your brain EVERY F-ING DAY!!" I wanted to choke him last night! I excuse some of his attitude towards it because he really doesn't know what we go through, so there is no way he can fully understand and sympathize. On the other hand, his mind is not open enough to consider other possibilities and opinions other than his own, and trying to educate him on mental illness is like trying to pull teeth with no tools, very difficult but possible. We eventually understood each other to a point and the fight calms down, but it still bothers me. I don't know how to make him understand that the symptoms are treatable and controlable to a point, but it is never cured, and those that have mental illnesses don't have a choice. They have a choice to get treatment and try to control it, but they don't have a choice on having the mental illness.

So, that is my rant. Feels good to get it out, just wish getting it out would take away the frustration of it all.

All. Over. The. Place! UGH! YAY! Really brain?

I have been busier than usual. Opened several different projects, plus dealing with kids, hubby, house, and a way over active thought process. Yep, you guessed it! Another 5 million tabs open and 5 more notebooks added to the mix! It never ends! But, it makes for an interesting day.

Being home alone with my thoughts can be torture. I talk to myself a lot, especially when I have a lot going on, I have to. If I don't then I get side tracked and forget everything. So, my rockstar brother is trying to start up a music production company, and he has asked me to help promote and bring in new clients. So honored that he had enough faith in me to ask, and more than happy to help. http://www.reverbnation.com/label/blissforge (shameless plug here :) ) Anyway, this has given me something else to focus on during the day when I'm by myself. So far it's fun!

I joined a page on facebook recently that has helped me some, had a great morning with one of the admins during an upswing. I have fun with the upswings, but when I come down from one I get a killer headache.

Dramatude and Stretch are doing good, week 2 of school and I am already worrying about grades and missing assignments. Not so much with Dramatude yet, but Stretch is already starting his crap, and we are even bribing him with an Xbox at the end of the year if he earns all A's and B's for the entire year. I don't get kids sometimes. It's not like when I was growing up when you actually had to use your brain for school. Sometimes I think technology is more of a hindrance in schools than a help. Now, they make the kids use calculators, I was never allowed to use one!! Had to use my brain. Don't get me started on this, lol, it will never end.

Now to deal with the local cable company. The customer service lines for Resort Cable are a joke! If you have an issue, the reps are ill equipped to handle and fix it. They charge for things that should not be charged for, they never have answers for anything, and more times than not, they are incredibly rude. What this company needs to do is educate their customer service reps not only on their policies and procedures, but educate them on customer service! I know, crazy suggestion. Psh. So, after dealing with the incompetence, I had to contact the VP of the company. Ahh, sweet results :)

Kids are back to school = Back to the drawing board

I apologize for taking so long to post again. I have had a bit of writers block, it has been a long time since I have written on a regular basis. As I said in my previous post, I'm new to this and don't really know what everyone wants to read, so any comments and/or suggestions are welcome and greatly appreciated. Stretch and Dramatude went back to school yesterday (yay) so now I have 8 hours to fully dedicate to my writing Monday through Friday. So, let's just jump in head first, shall we?

Family Relations

I love my immediate family (hubby and mini-monsters) no questions asked, my extended family though, that is a whole other ball game. There are few blood related people in my life that I can stomach, and that saddens me deeply, but it is what it is. I don't really go along with the old adage "You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family" because for the most part, I have picked my family (most of them), or at least picked those who I consider family. Biologically, without going back too far in my lineage, I have 1 mom, 1 dad, 4 half-brothers, 1 half-sister, 5 uncles (3 alive), and 4 aunts (3 alive). Now, the way I see it, I have 2 moms (bio & step), 1 dad (step), 3 brothers (2 half, 1 no blood), 3 sisters (2 no blood, 1 technically a distant cousin), 1 uncle, and 1 aunt (she died in 2010).

The reason I went through all of that is because I want to stress that family is not necessarily who you are related to by blood. I am a very dark "black sheep" in my technical family, have been for as long as I can remember, and I would not be the person I am today or gotten through what I have, if it weren't for my family that I have hand picked. Even though I have my hand picked family though, I still feel alone all the freaking time. I talk to them all on occasion, some more than others, but I don't live near any of them so I never see them.

Moral of the story is if you have a crappy family, pick your own. Family isn't defined by bloodlines anymore, you define who and what your family is. Trust me, you will have less drama and be more sane if you do.

Politically correct-- or not?

There are so many topics to touch on in this category it's hard to know where to start. Oh! I know! Let's start with some things that just chap my ass. Willful ignorance is a HUGE one for me!! First, if you are one that is willfully ignorant when it comes to the LGBT community, you sir/ma'am are an idiot, and that is being nice. I am a straight female, however, I fully support the effort for equal rights. Everyone needs love, period. My hubby and I are polar opposites on this subject along with many others. He is a conservative republican *insert eye roll here* and I am a liberal. Not a likely match, but we make it work. I tell him all the time, "Go ahead, choose to like dudes" he says "I don't want to"... that is one of the many points there are. YOU CAN NOT SIMPLY CHOOSE to be gay or straight, and to think that you can is absurd. To the ones who say " I guess it's fine that you're gay, just don't marry or raise children"-- would you get in line at Subway and berate someone for not ordering the same sub as you and try to stop them from getting what they want? "No" you say? Well, why not? Hmm.. think about that for a moment, and then tell me how that scenario is any different than you telling someone they can't get married and have a family, just like you, just because it's not what you would prefer for yourself. Sounds silly doesn't it? This is a big debate between the hubby and I, and it makes me see red. If you would care to differ in your opinion, by all means, comment and we shall discuss. That is all for now on that, on to the next.

Medical marijuana, this is a very tricky debate. Both sides have valid (sometimes) concerns. Personally, I don't smoke pot, but I used to, so I am not naive. Most everyone I know has or still does smoke it. I don't think it should be legal for recreational use, but I do believe with all my heart and soul that the medical benefits are countless. My mom is epileptic, she has smoked it my whole life. I have seen what happens first hand when she doesn't, she has life threatening grand mal seizures. My beloved aunt died 6 months after her diagnosis of cancer, had she not smoked pot, she would have died quicker and in more pain. Those are only two examples from millions. Ask yourself this, if your mom, dad, husband, wife, heavens forbid your child, or anyone you care about gets sick, and not only the doctors but everyone else that has a functioning brain cell told you that the only thing that was going to give them some kind of relief was marijuana, would you deny them that relief just because it's "the dreaded and evil pot"? If you do, you are a twisted, torture loving monster. The benefits are endless in a medical situation. Going through chemo and can't eat? Go hit a joint a couple times, you will be able to eat then :)

Guns, oh my geez, guns. Really people? Would you ban all writing utensils for all the misspelled words in the world? No? Then why in the world would you ban guns because of the gun deaths? THIS LOGIC MAKES NO SENSE!! The misspelled word is the idiots fault behind the pencil, just like the gun death is the psycho's fault behind the gun!!! It is that simple!! Make the background checks more efficient to include mental health history, require a medical professional signature. There is food for thought. I don't own a gun, but I also don't think that owning a gun is wrong. If someone I love, or I gets shot, it's not the guns fault, it was doing what it was designed to do, shoot a bullet. The blame would be on the one who pulled the trigger, it wasn't a malfunction on the guns part. As for kids shooting kids, that is also the gun owner's fault, not the kids or the guns. Children need to be educated, take bags for instance. Everyone owns a bag or two right? A child is taught not to put the bag on their face/head and not to do that to anyone else, or it could result in them getting hurt or killed right? So, by the logic that is being used by the anti-gun people, we should outlaw bags? Yes, it is that simple, and it does sound that stupid.

OK

Now that I got all of that out,  I will conclude with this : Don't be a douche. Educate yourself. Ignorance is not bliss, it makes you look stupid.